Our two oldest children were out of the house, it was only us and our 14-year-old daughter. That was 2009. We decided we could do more for others – children in particular. So, we became foster parents. Our initial interest was just to help children and their parent(s) make it through hard times. However, our foster parenting instructor and licensing representative suggested we also take the adoption classes and have a home study done “just in case a child we foster becomes available for adoption.”
Looking back on the whole motivation process, we both think our past experiences helped spark the idea. Personal family history weighed heavy on our hearts and minds in multiple ways. First, Bruce was adopted by his grandparents, having been born to an early teenage bio-mother so
the concept of adoption was familiar and personal.
Bruce also had two cousins whose parents had mental health issues, preventing them from parenting. One of the cousins had struggles like her parents. Her brother was a typical little boy. This was back in the early 1960’s when the Children’s Division took the children away. The girl spent part-time in an institution and part-time at Bruce’s home, eventually being
institutionalized full-time. There was no one in the family – which consisted mostly of Christians – who were able to care for the boy. The only ones who showed interest were Bruce’s parents who already had four girls at home, including Bruce’s bio-mom, along with baby Bruce. As they were not able to bring him into their full house, the sweet boy was put into an orphanage where he became a not-so-sweet child just to survive. As an adult, he was bitter that no “Christian” family members had stepped up to care for him.
Within our own early years of parenting, we once considered fostering a great-nephew who was removed by the Children’s Division from our niece. With three small children at the time, we were not in a position to say yes. He was put into foster care and, again, no one in the family could care for him. Looking back, having not been able to say yes at that stage of our lives was likely a subconscious motivator for our decision to foster later when our children were older.
Over about 10 years, we fostered a total of 21 children including the four we eventually adopted. Our first adoption came in 2014. The next two were adopted in 2018 and the last 2019.
Our story does not have an ending yet. We are actively in the thick of parenting the four of our children who are currently 12, 12, 11 and 10. This part of our parenting journey has not been easy and still isn’t. But God doesn’t call us to have a life of ease – just the opposite. To be a worker for the Lord involves work. Parenting these children and other works for the Lord consume our time and dedication. But the challenge of the labor will never outweigh the benefits of doing good in God’s kingdom and serving those in need.
Children from foster care come with baggage and we will not hide that raising them has proven more difficult than raising our bio-children. Thankfully, there are a lot of resources available nowadays: trauma and child development research has discovered a lot of information for helping children work through past experiences. There are support groups that are informational and encouraging. And last, but certainly not least, there are brothers and sisters in Christ who are willing to help (note: sometimes they have to be educated on trauma and the differences in parenting kids from hard places).
We plead for more Christians to step up to the plate and care for the fatherless. If you recognize the need to join in this kingdom work – if it feels like something is tugging at your heart – investigate it. Decide how you can best help vulnerable children, but make sure to do something. There are currently 107,000 foster children who are available for adoption. There are probably Christians or community members you know who have adopted difficult children and can use your help.
Can we answer God’s call (James 1:27) and say as Isaiah did? …“Here am I, send me.” (Isaiah 6:8).
